HERMIONE

Chapter Fourteen: HERMIONE

It was hell waiting for Severus to return to her. She knew he had to leave of course – he couldn't spend every waking moment in her mind with her – but she still hated it when he left.

She suspected she hated it for two reasons – the first and most important being she loved him and felt incredibly empty when he wasn't around. The second reason was more ambiguous, but she supposed it boiled down to the fact that each time he left, she was always fearful he wouldn't return.

Not that she didn't trust him. She did. She knew he would always come back to her as long as he was able. However, Hermione was very aware that he might not always have the ability to return, and that's what scared her.

Nettie, of course, was a dear – talking to her and making little comments as she puttered about Hermione's room after Severus had left.

'Well, my dear,' the older woman had stated, 'I've never seen a man look so rattled from one little kiss! Too bad it didn't work, though. I know Professor Snape...Severus...was disappointed.'

Nettie had plumped up Hermione's pillows as she said this, before running a comforting hand across the top of her head. 'He visited with you a rather long time afterwards, didn't he? He didn't even bother to eat the sandwich or tea I had brought in for him. Could you remind him to eat, dear? He gets so caught up in what he's doing that he sometimes forgets. He's not a man that can afford to lose weight – he's spare enough as it is.'

Hermione started protesting that he had eaten lunch – with her – before she realized that it didn't really count, despite the fact that it had seemed so real. They had shared a beautiful picnic in the garden next to the greenhouses, discussing other options and ideas as to how to go about freeing Hermione from the curse, now that the 'fairy tale kiss' had been ruled out.

'I knew it wouldn't work,' Snape had reiterated as he sectioned off an orange he had pulled from the basket.

'I knew it wouldn't work as well,' Hermione agreed, grinning at him, 'but it was the only way I could get you to kiss me.'

He had smirked at that, a dull flush creeping up his neck at the same time as he muttered something about ulterior motives before he looked at her and smiled. He was doing that more often when he was with her – smiling – and every time he did, she would find herself suddenly breathless. She wouldn't have ever thought a smile would suit his dour features but it did. His lips were really quite full and sensual when not drawn down into their normal sneer, and the deep grooves on either side of his hawkish nose didn't look quite so forbidding when viewed as laugh lines.

He would never be a handsome man, of course – years of self-loathing and downright neglect of his physical self had guaranteed that – but he was a sensual man, in a way entirely earthy and enticing. Coupled with the sheer brilliance of his mind, Hermione couldn't have imagined ever finding someone more suited to her. To Hermione, he was the perfect man – perfect for her, anyways.

They shared the orange he had sectioned in companionable silence, before she spoke again. 'Severus, where do we go from here, with the curse?'

'I don't rightly know,' he admitted.

'The fairy tales were a bust.'

'What if we never find a cure? What then?' Her voice was shaky as she asked this and she sighed as Snape tilted her face towards him gently, his fingers sticky from the orange.

'We will find a cure. Malfoy was a smart man but no smarter than you or I. We'll figure it out, Hermione,' his voice was sure and strong, his eyes intense as he studied her face.

'You can't work on this forever,' she protested, 'you have a life.'

Snape continued stroking her face with his fingers before replying seriously, 'Not really. I teach potions to a bunch of idiot children where one wrong ingredient added at an inopportune moment could kill me. Being a known Death Eater has not improved my social standing...'

'Ex-Death Eater!' Hermione interrupted, but Snape merely shrugged.

'Ex or not, it doesn't make me any more trust-worthy in the eyes of the public. Not that I particularly care,' he added when he saw she was about to interrupt him again, 'And the only person I care to spend any length of time with is you. I would suggest that perhaps the best way for me to have a life is to help you. You are my life, you silly girl.'

She saw his words as both a declaration and a vow. 'One of these days you'll have to stop calling me that,' she whispered tremulously, tilting her face easily into his palm and looking at him from under her lashes, 'or I might think you don't mean it.'

'No more fairy tales,' she agreed, smiling against his mouth as he bent to kiss her gently. 'Although I do want to live happily ever after.'

The rest of the afternoon was spent in pleasurable conversation and equally as enjoyable silence. 'I never would have thought,' Severus had teased as they walked along the lakeshore, 'that you knew how to be quiet. It's quite shocking, really.'

'Who would have known that the dreaded potions master actually had a heart under all that black,' she replied in kind, 'certainly not I.'

Later still, they returned to the dungeons, Hermione carrying her shoes in hand and leaving damp footprints on the floor as Severus led her into a cozy study she had never seen before. An inviting fire was blazing in the hearth and the walls were surrounded by book shelves stuffed full to over-flowing. A large overstuffed sofa was situated facing the fire, and both Snape and Hermione sank into the sofa. She was glad he had chosen to sit with her again, and not in the armchair off to the side.

'You're feet must be freezing,' he muttered as he tucked an arm around her. Hermione felt him burying his nose in the hair at the top of her head and smiled.

'They're not too bad. And it was lovely, to walk around the lake like that. I'd never realized how far past Hogwarts it extended!'

'The next time we walk, we should make sure we take baskets to gather some of the roots that grow along the shore. I need to replenish my gilly-weed.'

Hermione murmured in agreement and leaned into Severus, twisting her upper body until she could wrap her arms around his chest. Beneath her ear she could hear the steady beating of his heart and felt contentment wash over her like a balm. 'I've had the loveliest day.'

'But tomorrow, it's back to the research,' Snape inserted. 'We need to go over every aspect of today's - test – to see if we've learnt anything.'

She sighed, 'I suppose so.'

'No. If I knew how to reach out and grab you like that, I would never let you leave,' she teased. 'I hate it when you go.'

'What does it feel like when I visit you – before I'm here – is there a shift in your perception when I enter your mind? A jolt as it were?'

Hermione bit her lip, 'I've never thought of it before. Normally, I'm just so happy to see you that I don't pay attention to what it feels like. All I know is that when you're not here I feel – empty. That's the only way to describe it – like I'm incomplete on some level. When you're here with me I'm fully myself.'

Severus shifted at that, tightening his arm reflexively around her before pulling away and coming to stand. She couldn't tell if her words had upset him or not, but she recognized that he was getting ready to leave her.

'Stay,' she murmured.

'I can't.'

'I'll come back.'

She remained sitting on the sofa before the fireplace for the longest time, letting her mind drift, when it suddenly hit her that she had no idea where she was. She had never been in this room before; had never been in a room like it, to be perfectly honest.

The colors were a little dark for her taste, chocolate browns and dark greens that were entirely too masculine. The decorations around the room were sparse; there was no bric-a-brac or clutter, just clean lines and a casual elegance that somehow reminded her of Severus. Behind the sofa she was curled in was another arched doorway and she wondered what lay behind it. It had been many months since she'd gone exploring – her last foray had led her to the room with the pictures of Ron, her mother and Professor Snape – at his most cutting and sarcastic. She hadn't been exploring since.

'Curious,' she muttered to herself as she unfolded her legs from underneath her and stood, 'I wonder where that leads to.'

'Only one way to find out, Hermione,' her little voice said, 'and that's to go through it.'

'I don't want to talk to pictures of dead people again,' she replied. 'It's too depressing.' Yet, even as she said this, she still walked forward and gingerly pushed the door open.

The room behind it was dark, the only illumination coming from behind her, shadows flickering across the wall in mimicry of the flames from the fireplace.

'Illumina!' Hermione murmured as she stepped forward into the shadows, gasping as the sconces on the wall lit up.

She was in a bedroom. A large four poster bed sat squarely in the middle of the room, a deep black duvet covering it. There was a squat little armchair sitting in the corner with black teaching robes thrown over it. A little end table sat against the wall to the left of the bed, a pair of reading glasses perched precariously atop a book of spells. To the right of that, a large mahogany armoire was pressed against the wall; its doors open as if someone had forgotten to shut them in their haste to leave. Hanging inside it were several black frock coats, neatly creased black linen pants and the white shirts Severus favored.

She was in his rooms. This was his bedroom. She had been sitting on his sofa, in front of his fireplace with him earlier. Spinning on her heel, she quickly walked back into the sitting room and to a book shelf, grabbing a title randomly from it and opening it up. There, on the inside cover, was his name in his familiar spiky script: Severus Snape.

Glancing around the room in confusion, she noticed a desk she hadn't seen before, tucked away into a little alcove. The desk had parchment strewn about it, and several quills lying haphazardly along the corner. Still holding the book she had taken from the shelf, she approached the desk and realized it was just a smaller version of the desk in the potions classroom. She was surprised the parchments were so scattered, as Severus had always seemed so organized and fastidious with his notes in the class room.

'Hermione,' she read her name, ' living death spell – animulasomnis....Latin, masculine word usage. AnimulaeSomnusi, Latin feminine....Malfoy curse created for me? Can counter-cure be created?'

Shifting the parchment on his desk carefully, she realized they were covered in notes he had made in regards to his research on the curse, including references to books he had studied. Near the bottom of the pile, a smaller piece of well-creased parchment caught her eye. Sliding it out carefully, she studied it intently and smiled. It was an ink drawing of her, faithfully rendered down to the last bushy curl. In the corner, Severus had scratched his initials and underneath it he had written, 'My Eurydice.'

Hermione felt like crying at its simple eloquence – this one image of her, drawn with Severus' own hands – showed her that she was beautiful and that she was loved. Putting it reverently back on his desk, she walked slowly back to the sofa and sank into it, mind reeling with questions.

Severus had a room in her mind. She was pretty sure it was not just any room either – but his room, with his books and his belongings. The entire construct was much too complex to be anything but them – only thing was, she had never been in his rooms before. She had no idea what they were like or where they were situated, so how did they come to be in her mind, created just as precisely as her own bedroom had been?

Thinking back, she recalled their walk around the lake earlier that day, along a path she had never been down before but which he obviously had. Other instances came to mind – things she had never really taken account of before, but now, when thinking about them, struck her as odd. The other day in the potions classroom when they had been writing ideas on the blackboard, Severus had asked her to pass him the small flask of firewhiskey he kept in the bottom drawer of his desk. She had done so, never once stopping to question how he knew it was there when even she hadn't.

There was a marble statue along one of the small pathways in the garden they would walk through that she had never recalled seeing before, but which Severus had assured her was there. In the library, there was a hidden book case that he had shown her – casually dropping the wards around it until it became visible to her. When she had expressed her surprise at its sudden appearance he had smirked at her, 'Your reputation as a Know-It-All seems to have taken a hit today. Madame Pince always did believe in hiding things in plain sight. Some of these books are so rare Hogwarts has the only known copy. Perhaps something in one of them will shed some light on your condition.'

Perhaps things like that had been happening from the start. She recalled now, even that first day when he had found her – tiny red flowers had bloomed around them, covering the floor of the potion's room, growing through the cracks in the stone. She had always thought she had been so overwhelmed with emotion that she had just forgotten she had done that – but now she realized that wasn't necessarily so – Severus could have forced them to bloom. She doubted he even realized that he could do so, but it appeared he could create things in her mind as easily as she could, and this elaborate, private room was testament to that.

She couldn't wait for him to come back after dinner, so she could tell him what she'd discovered in his absence. She knew that even the most talented legilimens could not enter someone else's mind and create false memories or build false constructs, so why could Snape do this in hers? And why did the constructs stay even after he had left? All logic dictated that it couldn't be done and yet it had been. Hermione was sure it was all somehow related to the curse and she was justifiably elated at this discovery. It was another clue, she was sure of it.

Jumping from the coach again, she decided to wait for Severus at the front of her mind, where she would see him the minute he returned. She was so excited she couldn't sit still anyway – the walk would do her good.

She was almost there when she heard the door to her rooms bang open. Looking out of her eyes, she realized that Nettie must have moved her from her bedroom into her sitting room without her even being aware of it. She had been so caught up in her discovery she hadn't been paying attention to what was going on around her. She hoped Nettie hadn't been reading to her this entire time, as she had no way of asking the woman to start over if she had.

She wondered why Severus had banged her door open when she finally saw him. His face was white, his normal pallor highlighted by the two flags of bright red on his cheeks and the glittering black of his eyes. His hand was clenched tightly around someone's arms, the knuckles shining white against the filmy purple material they were wrapped around.

It took Hermione a few seconds to place who, exactly, that purple clad arm and over abundance of clicking beads belonged to, and she almost groaned when she did. What the hell was Professor Trelawney doing here?

She was the last person Hermione ever expected to see in the dungeons, especially being dragged by Severus, beads clicking and hair flying behind her in a fairly close approximation of Hermione's own bushy locks. Several other professors hastened behind Trelawney and Snape, eyes agog and mouths open in astonishment as the divination teacher was thrust into Hermione's rooms.

The woman's normally airy voice was panicked and high pitched with fear as she apologized to Severus for...something...Hermione didn't really know what was going on.

'Severus, Professor Snape – please, my arm....had I known you would react so disfavorably to what I was saying, I would never have said it! Please, forgive me...'

'Do shut up, Sybil,' Snape snapped, 'I'm not planning on killing you!' Hermione could tell that he had to refrain himself from adding 'yet' to the end of that sentence and watched with interest as he thrust Professor Trelawney forward. 'What colors do you see when you look at Hermione?'

His voice had a tense excitement to it, which puzzled Hermione as she stepped closer to the forefront of her mind to better assess what was going on. Trelawney looked just as confused as Hermione felt, although there was still a healthy glint of fear in her eyes.

'Colors?' her voice shook slightly and she blinked slowly, her bottle-bottom glasses making her eyes look incredibly huge and cow-like.

'Yes, colors,' Severus replied impatiently, 'Her aura, woman. What do you see?'

'Uhm...oh yes, her aura.' Hermione watched in amusement as the divination professor adjusted her shawls and trained her face into the vacuous look of mystery she had always tried – and failed – to achieve during her classes. Her voice returned to the dreamy tones she always employed when making her pronouncements, as she turned and stared at Hermione, as if in great concentration and began muttering to herself, 'My. Oh, my oh my...very unusual.' Hermione longed for the ability to roll her eyes - she was sure it would scare the old fraud to bits.

Trelawney finally turned back to Severus, 'I fear her aura is gray, as I suspected you already knew from the question you asked back at the Great Hall.'

Snape nodded stiffly, 'There are no other colors at all – just the gray?'

'Just the gray,' Trelawney agreed, 'I am so sorry, but it seems Miss Granger just isn't there. Her spirit has been separated from her body.'

'I knew it!' Hooch muttered loudly, 'She's not there.'

Snape didn't even turn to scowl at Hooch, although he did growl, 'She's there all right, I've spoken with her myself you irritating wench.' His eyes were snapping at Hermione, black and intense, before he flicked a quick gaze back at Trelawney. 'Is my aura still – as you indicated – at dinner?'

Trelawney turned to him and nodded, 'Your colors are pulsing around you, Severus. I've never seen a more brilliant aura.'

Hermione watched Severus as he steepled his fingers and brought them to his lips, his posture still and thoughtful. In the background, she could hear some of the other professors murmuring amongst themselves, although she couldn't see them as they weren't in her immediate line of sight. Not that she cared – she was more interested in watching Snape. She could practically hear his mind whirring; could feel his excitement radiating from him as his gaze shifted from Trelawney to herself.

'Sybil....tell me if my aura changes at all in the next few minutes,' he demanded, stepping towards Hermione and looking into her eyes. This time, she felt the pull he had mentioned to her earlier as well – the sudden jolt from her body to his as he fell into her eyes.

'Severus, what's going on?' she demanded the minute he was there. 'Why's Trelawney here?'

He gripped her shoulders tightly, 'I'll explain it in a minute, Hermione...just hold on.'

Even as he spoke to her in her mind, she could hear him speaking to Trelawney, 'I'm with Hermione now, Sybil. What do you see?'

'Your aura....your aura is changing, Severus!' Trelawney was no longer using the breathy tones she employed while making a reading, instead her voice was vaguely incredulous. 'It's wrapping itself around Miss Granger as well....the colors....the gray....'

'What's going on,' Hermione murmured again, but Severus didn't respond. Instead, he demanded of Trelawney, 'Tell me exactly what you see, Sybil.'

'It's like your aura is combining with hers...you're sharing...I don't know how to describe it! She is inside your aura now, and you are in hers...the gray is overlapping you both, making your colors dull – but they are still there, only...less so.' Trelawney's voice broke off in confusion, 'How can that happen?'

'How can that happen?' Hermione echoed.

Snape smiled at Hermione grimly, and she could see the same horrible smile pasted on his face outside her minds' eye. 'Because Lucius Malfoy was always a bastard,' he replied to them both at once. 'His curse was silvery-gray.'

His pronouncement was met with stunned silence, both inside Hermione's head and in her rooms. Professor Trelawney was the first to speak, 'A gray curse? But – curses are never gray. They always have color – like green, or blue...even red.'

'Gray,' Hermione murmured, 'I'm gray.'

'Sybil, how can we incorporate color back into Hermione's aura? And if we did, would the color free her spirit? Would it break the curse?' Hermione could feel the intensity of his question burning through the air, even as he muttered for her ears, 'I can't believe I'm asking Sybil Trelawney, of all people, for advice on curse-breaking.'

'I've never heard of this before,' Trelawney replied weakly, 'a gray aura. I suppose there is a way to re-introduce color to it, but you would have to introduce all the colors in equal amounts to bring her aura into balance, before letting it go to take on its customary hues. If I recall correctly, Miss Granger's aura was always predominantly orangey-yellow, indicating her intelligence and loyalty, with strong flecks of purple for her magic and muddy green for skepticism. She was not open to the wondrous powers of divination.'

Hermione snorted.

'This could be the break we've been waiting for,' Severus smiled as he squeezed her hand, before asking Trelawney, 'How do we bring her aura back into balance?'

Professor Trelawney looked at him in consternation, waving her hands about vaguely, 'I'm sorry, Severus – truly I am. But I do not know.'

By the time Trelawney finally left, followed by the other professors, Hermione was exhausted. Snape had kept up a running conversation with both herself and the divination professor for almost an hour, posing question after question. Hermione had been hard pressed to keep up with him, the very fact he could have two conversations at the same time confused her somewhat. After he could think of nothing more to ask the divination professor, he'd thanked her for her time and apologized for dragging her through the dungeons.

Trelawney had smiled airily at that. 'I knew we were coming here, Severus. Remember, I have the second-sight,' before she stood and regally departed. One by one, the other professors had trailed out after her – some looking more thoughtful than others, but all of them wishing Snape a good evening. The only one who wished the same to her was Professor McGonagall, who had been the last to leave.

'Severus,' she had asked tentatively, 'do you really think this idea is the right track? I'd hate to see you disappointed.'

Snape had merely nodded at her, 'It makes sense, Minerva. You heard what Trelawney said about our auras overlapping each other.'

'Well, yes, but – it is Sybil who said this, remember? Since when do you put stock in anything she says to you?'

'It's the only thing that makes sense right now, Minerva. The only thing.'

Professor McGonagall had sighed at that, before reaching out and giving Severus' shoulder a gentle squeeze. 'I appreciate what you're trying to do here Severus, but don't get your hopes up. It's been going on two years now that we lost Hermione. No one will blame you if you give up your search for a cure.'

'She's not lost, she's right here,' Snape replied stiffly. 'I'm not imaging her.'

Minerva had turned and looked at Hermione then, her face suddenly older than her years, creased with worry and concern, 'Of course she is, Severus. Of course. I will bid you goodnight, then. And goodnight to you as well, Hermione.'

'I wish she believed you,' Hermione stated softly as she watched the retreating back of Minerva exit the room. 'I know I do.'

Snape smirked at her, gently pulling her into his arms, 'I think we're on to something here, Hermione. As much as I hate feeling indebted to that dingbat Trelawney, I think her input tonight has been invaluable. I'm sure the color of the spell was part of the curse – we just have to figure out how to reverse it now.'

'Too bad Malfoy isn't still alive for you to talk too,' Hermione agreed, 'or that he didn't leave notes of some sort.'

'No notes,' Snape replied. 'I already checked – everything he had was destroyed by either Aurors or looters, who ransacked Malfoy Mansion and burned it to the ground after it was made public knowledge that Lucius and family had been Death Eaters.'

They were silent for a moment, before Severus added against her hair, 'But maybe Draco might know something. Lucius is the type that would have gloated, especially to his son – the little sycophant.'

'Draco's alive?' Hermione was incredulous, 'I thought he had died with the rest of them.'

Snape shook his head, 'No – he hadn't taken the Dark Mark yet. He's still alive – and in solitary confinement at Azkaban, where he'll remain for the rest of his life.'

'Not without some heavy string pulling on Albus' behalf. I had hoped I would be able to solve this without having to beg for help, but it seems we have no other choice. I'll speak to Albus in the morning about arranging a visit.'

Hermione was so surprised at this, that it completely slipped her mind until Severus left for the night that she had a bit of her own news as well: he could create things in her mind as easily as she could.

______________________________________________

And So It Goes – Billy Joel

And you're the only one who knows