Bugged
Chapter 1 of 1
peppermintWhen the tables are turned, Rita is irritated.
ReviewedThe nerve. The utter, fucking nerve!
First of all, I'm the witch with the scoop. It's my bloody job to write scandalous exposés of Wizarding society's hoi polloi. My unauthorized biographies are eight out of ten on the Daily Prophet's best seller list, and it's not due to the pretty pictures on the cover. Rita Skeeter writes the bios, darling, she doesn't have them written about her.
At least, that's how it used to be. Imagine my surprise when I came into the office this morning to find this... rag on my desk. The Life and Times of Rita Skeeter, Girl Reporter, by Helena Moon. Who the hell is Helena Moon? I've read half of it already, and it's full of... well, not lies, exactly, but utter tripe and nonsense. Take the opening sentence:
“Rita Skeeter, 56, is the Wizarding world's best known gossip columnist.”
How did that cow find my real age? I've been holding steady at 39 for ages as far as anyone but the very discreet staff at The Serenity Spa knew. Also, where does she get off calling me a gossip columnist? I'm an ace reporter! Did this Moon hag not read the Prophet during the war, all my delightful stories on Harry Potter, the boy who lived?
I can see the front of Flourish and Blotts from my office, you know. Don't think I haven't noticed those acid green posters in their windows, announcing a book signing by Helena Moon this afternoon. I have half a mind to go down there and demand she pull her silly little book off the shelves! I certainly never agreed to have my life chronicled by some upstart no-name twit!
I'm going. She's not going to get away with this!
Editor's Note, [Daily Prophet]:
After a bit of trouble with the law, Rita Skeeter has been remanded to the authority of the Ministry of Magic and will serve six months in a low-security cell in Azkaban, warded against Animagus transformation. Our congratulations to Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood, writing as Helena Moon, for their daring and delightful treatise on Ms Skeeter.
A/N: Thanks to A for taming my commas and beating me over the head with the canon capitalization rules.
Prompt: Someone takes creative liberties when writing their memoirs, royally ticking off the other "characters" in the story.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Bugged
21 Reviews | 5.57/10 Average
Thought it was Hermione. Didn't think about Luna being a part of it. Wonder just how they got their information. Muggle bugging devices, perhaps? ^_^
She so deserved that one! *applause* Great job, ladies!
HEEHEEHEE! I love how they get one over on Rita!
It's about time the tables were properly turned on a certain obnoxious beetle!
Yay! I'm glad she finally got what was coming to her, and from Hermione and Luna too!
Nice twist... Rita getting some of her own medicine.
Love it! Love Rita getting outed and having to stew in her own juices for a bit! Hermione & Luna - that's our girls!
The gander does not like his sauce, what a surprise. I've got this vision of Rita in a jar inside a cell in Azkaban :)
I love the idea of Hermione and Luna as a team... they're such great foils, both knowing so much, but coming at it from diametrically opposed positions: fact and intuition. I'm always happy to see them working together, but for Rita's downfall? Excellent.
I love it. Rita deserved every word.
Haha, serves her right! Very well done :)
Brilliant! :)
Hermione and Luna gave that little zinger? I love it! You go girls!
Gotcha! You go girls!
Bah ha ha... way to turn the tables on Rita!
Oh, I was hoping someone would take Skeeter down!
Loved it, it was so perfect that Hermione and Luna together issued the downfall of Rita Skeeter:-))
Loved it.
There is nothing better than seeing Rita get a taste of her own medicine. Nicely done.
Yay! Glad she got hers in the end. :)
Ha ha. Turnabout!