One shot

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Gilderoy Lockhart and Hogwarts are the property of J.K. Rowling.

Gilderoy Lockhart looked at himself in the mirror. He generally liked what he saw. His hair was lying just so, his new robes looked excellent, and his teeth were white as always. It was a fine time to be fresh out of Hogwarts and attending his first soiree. He was just about ready...

Two hours into the party, he found himself dancing with a beautiful woman. He breathed in her luscious scent and ran his fingers through her long silky red hair. He’d always had an affinity for redheads. He loved their fiery temper and their passion for life.

As he drew her closer, he had a sensation in his nether regions which he’d never had before. Never had he been so close to a witch, so excited, so... aroused. In fact tonight might just be the night that he truly became a man. The lust in her eyes told him everything that he needed to know. Oh, yes, she was ready for him.

He winked as he suggested that they go back to his flat for a nightcap. She readily agreed. Upon their arrival, she excused herself to use the bathroom, and he stripped off his robes. When he got down to his underpants, he noticed with dismay that the banana which he had put into his pants to make himself appear more endowed had been squished while they were dancing.

He was cleaning himself up when the witch came out of the bathroom.

“The old banana trick?” she asked with distaste at the mess.

He blushed and stammered. “Well - I -”

“I would suggest that you find another way to enhance yourself,” she said. “Because if you bring a witch back because she thinks you’re well endowed and she finds that it’s a ruse, she will not be happy.” With that, the witch left.

Gilderoy Lockhart went into the bathroom and finished cleaning himself off, despairing that he would be spending the night alone. One thing he knew for sure. The book he had bought, Always Take a Banana to a Party: A Wizard’s Guide to Looking Bigger, was going right in the trash.

Prompt from Rose otW: Always take banana to a party.