The Conditions

Hermione stared at Snape for a long moment, hoping that she had managed to school her features into something resembling nonchalance. Inside, she was a nervous wreck. She didn't make it a habit to practically beg her former teachers to have intercourse with her.

She honestly couldn't say if she was pleased that Snape had finally agreed to be her Snow Charm partner or not. One part of her was infinitely intrigued by the prospect of getting to know her colleague in that particular context. Another part, the one that was annoyed by his attitude, wanted to tell him he could go to hell with his smug look and conditions.

It was worth remembering, however, that Snape was, perhaps, the world's biggest control freak. He was incredibly selective about who to trust and with what. She supposed he'd had to be, spying on Voldemort all those years. So maybe it wasn't such a big surprise that he'd want to set up some ground rules for the night.

So, what exactly did he have in mind? Was he really expecting them to actually negotiate all aspects of the night in question?

The way Minerva had explained it to her, the Snow Day charm removed all inhibitions and increased the amount and the flow of all sexual hormones, creating a long lasting aphrodisiac effect. It didn't really matter who your partner was... just as long as you had one, but the rest was up to the individuals in question. She had expected that they would just go with the flow and that whatever else they wanted to experience during that night would take care of itself.

But, this was perhaps a once in a lifetime opportunity (depending on global warming). She supposed that if she were to have only one night of the most amazing sex of her life, wouldn't she want to make sure that all her fantasies were fulfilled? Well, not that she had a secret stash of fantasies stored away somewhere, but it would be nice to ask for things she really wanted without hurting anyone's feelings.

Maybe conditions were a not a bad idea after all!

"Yes, absolutely, we could compromise the terms of the night in question," she finally answered.

She wished she could perform Legilimency to see what he was thinking about. Not that Snape would ever let her in.

Hermione ventured a brief study of Severus's profile. His nose was even more prominent when observed from this angle, and his cheekbones were high and severe; his black hair was still long and tucked behind his ear. He had nice ears...shell-like, she decided...and she wondered if he had ever been kissed there.

Snape looked up, and despite the fact that he was looking at her with an arrogant air, there was something in his stiff posture that indicated that he was still perhaps a bit uncomfortable with the entire notion of discussing intercourse with her.

It occurred to her that it would take a mighty powerful charm to loosen this man up.

"Once you are done cataloguing my features, perhaps you could concentrate on the task at hand? Or perhaps your inspection has made you change your mind?" Snape asked.

Hermione ignored the bait. "Shall I write down the conditions?"

Snape shrugged his shoulders. "As you wish."

She conjured an ink pot, a quill and a piece of parchment, which landed on the table between them with a soft thump. She pulled it towards her and unrolled it flat with her left hand while her right hand was busy dabbing excess ink off her quill. She looked up at Snape expectantly, curious to see what kind of conditions he wished to negotiate.

"Are you planning on writing your living will as well?" He sneered at the long parchment dangling off the table.

Hermione harrumphed and muttered a command to shorten the parchment by half. "Happy?"

"Overjoyed."

Snape crossed his arms over his chest and started dictating his thoughts before she even had time to think of an appropriate title for the document. Not that there was a title that could be considered acceptable under these circumstances.

"First, if the events do take place, it will be in my quarters," he started.

She drew a line straight down the middle, labelled the first column SS, and wrote Venue: S's quarters.

Hermione was surprised that this would be his first stipulation. She had envisioned them tentatively sharing their secret sexual wishes, not the practical aspects of the night. Her instincts told her not to question him at this point, and besides, she had no objection. She was dying to see his private quarters.

"What else?" she asked nonchalantly, despite the fact that she was giddy thinking about being privy to his private library. Would he let her browse through it?

"As you undoubtedly know, Miss Granger, while the Snow Day Charm lasts for nine hours, the individuals involved do need to take a... break. Do not expect me to entertain you during this time."

"What exactly to you mean by entertain?" inquired Hermione.

"I do not intend to satisfy your insatiable curiosity on everything from my rearing of lacewing flies to their use in Pepperup Potion." When he saw her raise her eyebrows questioningly, he clarified, "I would rather not use the time at our disposal for a question-and-answer period."

"Fine, no questions. In fact, I'll make it simple for you and just bring a book."

Goodness! Her fantasy night did not really include having sex and then retiring to another room to read. (Well, at least not for this particular night!)

She made a mental note to ask him about the rearing of lacewing flies at a later time.

Hermione glanced up from her scroll to see if Severus was going to add anything else to his list. She certainly hoped so, for she was already compiling a much longer list in her head.

During this brief pause, it felt like the surreality of the situation was catching up with her. She was making plans, on paper, no less, to sleep with her former professor. Yes, the very same one that she had disliked because of his outrageous unfairness, the one that she had admired for his brilliant intellect, the one that she had pitied because of his devotion to a dead woman, and the man she considered to be the bravest and most skilled wizard she knew.

She had not realized it before, but sleeping with such a gifted wizard was a big turn on; it was also a bit intimidating but in a sort of... exciting way. Goodness, the entirety of the war had hinged upon this man. He'd spent years doing a kind of silent battle with the most powerful Dark wizard in history, and he'd won. Love him or hate him, he was going to be remembered. And she was going to see him naked.

God, what does Snape's face look like when he comes?

It didn't matter that his greasy hair was cut unevenly and that he had a rather prominent nose, or that his bottom teeth were crooked; Severus Snape had an undeniable kind of bizarre sex appeal.

The idea of sleeping with him was becoming more and more appealing, Snow Charm or not.

He was still staring at her, arms crossed. His dark eyes were measuring her again, and his mouth was set in a firm line. He looked rather intense, and Hermione wondered if he was also thinking in a sexual way about her, too.

He resumed his list as if the long pause had not taken place.

"You will come to me without any undergarment on," he said softly, as if this was a particular kink of his. "I do not want to waste time disrobing you during the preliminaries."

Not a kink after all. Preliminaries? Who calls foreplay 'preliminaries'?

"That's ridiculous! I'm not going to walk around without any underwear on all day just in case it snows! And besides, we have nine hours, there's no need to worry about wasting time."

"Miss Granger, as per usual, you are missing the point. What I am saying is that I will not take part in overdrawn foreplay, as it will be completely unnecessary. You will be ready without any help and vice versa."

"Can't we just play it by ear?"

"The last time I played something 'by ear,' I ended up dead."

"I'm not planning on killing you, Severus," she sighed, rolling her eyes.

He peered down at the scroll. "If you have nothing specific that you would like to request, I still have a few stipulations to add."

Hermione looked at the wooden clock above the door of the maintenance cupboard to determine how much time she had to share her stipulations. They still had approximately an hour until they had to go teach their afternoon classes. She wondered how she would even be able to execute her lesson plan after such a conversation. In her OWL-level Arithmancy class, they were set to calculate the probability of getting that enormous snowstorm in two days. Hell! She would not be able to keep herself from blushing during the entire lesson.

"I never imagined I would ever need to say this to you, Professor Granger, but, by all means, speak up," said Snape, seemingly annoyed at her long pause.

"Yes, right. Well, my first condition is that you call me by my first name. Hermione." She pronounced it slowly, just like she had done with Viktor Krum all those years ago. Without waiting for a reply, she added it to her list of conditions on the right hand side of the parchment. "Also, I will not tolerate any rude remarks."

"Perhaps you should have solicited Jackson instead," he said. She ignored his deliberately unkind choice of words.

"Severus," she started, exasperated, "I would not have chosen you if I did not think you capable of civility."

She should've known he would make this extra difficult for her. Severus Snape was a touchy bastard, and she would be wise to remember that as they sat down to negotiate the rest of the terms of the night in question.

~~~***~~~

Despite this exchange being completely of a different nature than their usual debates, Snape and Hermione undertook the task at hand in much the same way. That is to say that they argued and tried to outwit each other.

After an hour of intense deliberations, they had agreed on the following conditions:

Robie, the House Elf, would serve the meals, but that they didn't necessarily need to eat together.

Snape made sure that Hermione understood that he would not be responsible for the decor nor creating an ambiance; therefore, no candles, no silk sheets, and there would certainly be no rose petals strewn about his quarters.

They decided that they would both take their own birth control potions, and that they would shower individually after each "session". (It was Hermione who had labelled it a session, preferring it to Snape's 'episode.')

They would take care of their own undressing, and there would be no cuddling post-coitus.

They agreed that no feelings would be hurt by the lack of endearments and romance.

Snape warned Hermione that she was not to give him a treatise on the appearance of the skin graft on his neck. Or even mention the war for that matter.

Also, neither would comment on each other's infamous hair.

The details of the night in question would never be mentioned afterwards.

Snape admitted to being extremely ticklish at the waist area and insisted that she not touch him there, for he would not be responsible if he hexed her.

Hermione required that Severus trim his fingernails very short (he never asked why, and Hermione was glad that he had read between the lines). Hermione pushed her luck and asked that he keep his socks on if he suffered from chronic cold feet.

Snape hinted that if she insisted on wearing underwear, he was partial to the colour blue. Hermione agreed to accommodate the blue if she could browse through his books.

Snape, who wanted to make sure that he would at least get the minimum for his troubles, asked subtly if her mouth could, in fact, do other things than just regurgitate facts. Hermione, not to be outdone, retorted if he used his mouth for other things than insults, then, yes, absolutely, she would use hers for activities having nothing to do with facts.

To keep the list neatly itemized, Hermione just wrote oral sex on both side of the parchment, unconsciously underlining it twice.

As a result of the previous condition, Hermione mumbled that a close shave would be extremely appreciated. Snape replied that a not-so-close shave on her part would be appreciated as well. (In the end, he was forced to clarify that he did not mean her legs but that he just did not want her to look like a schoolgirl in that... area.)

Hermione casually brought up the topic of positioning, and Snape immediately made clear that he was not an acrobat in the circus and would not be expected to perform as one. This image was so incongruous that it set Hermione to giggling, and although Snape did not laugh himself, there was a suspicious light in his eyes.

As they became more at ease with each other, many more personal preferences were bargained for, and added to the list.

And finally, consensus was reached on the details of their sleeping arrangement, for it was agreed by both parties that they would, indeed, need to sleep at some point.

As their lunch hour drew to an end, and more than enough conditions had been agreed upon, they decided to call an end to their meeting.

~~~***~~~

Snape watched as she carefully proofread the final draft of their agreement. He fixated on her bending figure and saw the brown coloured curls that fell on each side of her neck. The top three buttons of her white blouse were unbuttoned, and he noticed a thin white scar at the base of her throat. A survivor of the war too.

She straightened and smiled at him as if they had just shared tea instead of creating a list of conditions on which to make the most out of their encounter.

There was a new found awareness between them, and Snape begrudgingly had to admit that things had already changed between them. How else could he explain why he was now wondering about her undergarments and whether she would continue to sit next to him during staff meetings?

Both tension and anticipation mingled in the air around them while Hermione held out the document for him to take.

"Surely you are not expecting me to grade it?" he asked.

She smirked. "No, I just want you to double check the agreement before I cast a Duplicatis Charm on it."

He read through every single condition again, and it was difficult for him to mask the effect that her written words were having on his libido. Oral sex. Yes! Damn, he needed a good wank, but of course, he was scheduled to teach for the rest of the day.

This was almost too good to be true, and consequently, he automatically concluded that either it would never snow again in the Highlands or that Granger would change her mind as soon as she walked out the door.

Finally, she got up from her stool quietly, walked around the table to where he was sitting, and extended her hand to him.

"So, we are in agreement?"

He looked at Granger's outstretched hand, small and feminine, but also, he knew, deceptively powerful.

It would not be wise to underestimate this young woman. He stood, if only to remind himself of that fact.

She looked up at him expectantly with a hint of challenge in her eyes. Snape wondered briefly if perhaps he had missed an important stipulation or if there was a loophole somewhere that he had not considered.

Finally, he took her hand to finalize the deal. Her grip felt strong and sure, but her skin was warm and soft and pliant.

He felt her heartbeat in his palm. Or was it his?

He stood there with the surging realization of what this handclasp revealed and suddenly had a feeling that perhaps this was a huge mistake. He should've paired up with Vector, for he was positive that simple hand contact with her would not have the same effect on him.

She cast her eyes down on their joined hands and exclaimed with a small laugh, "God, I hope it snows!"

He let go of her hand abruptly as if her words burned through his skin.

"I mean, I wouldn't want this whole bargaining session to be for nothing," she said, her cheeks turning the colour of cooked beet roots.

"Professor Granger, you would do well to control yourself. This agreement means absolutely nothing without the storm," he said defensively before stalking out of the cupboard to go teach his afternoon classes.

A/N: Thanks, once again, to Lariope and lulabelle72, my wonderful betas. They are generous, thorough and encouraging. I would be lost without them!

Sorry this was such a short chapter. I wanted to stop before the snow started falling! The next chapter will be much longer. ;D

Thank you for reading!