|Home | Newly Submitted | Random Story | Search|
Categories | Titles | Members | Forum Boards | Log In
|cocoidie18 (Signed )||1: One|
Your description, and the pace and flow of your story is very good. Your characterisation of Dailus is great. He is a very arrogant and in some ways, naïve character, and I like that Kuma is his voice of reason. At the moment, Dailus doesn’t seem a very likable character, but I’m sure he will mature as the story progresses.
There are a couple of things to keep in mind. One is what Kuma knows. I’m assuming, from how their banter reads, that Kuma and Dailus are about the same age. Eventually, it would be a good idea to reveal what Kuma knows about the border, or that he actually never did know anything, and there must be a good reason that he would know something the Crown Prince does not.
Another thing to keep in mind is your characters’ personalities, when writing dialogue. At times, your dialogue sounds a little awkward, but I don’t like commenting on the dialogue in other people’s stories unless it is entirely unrealistic. Since how I would say something is different to how you would say it. And your dialogue is mostly good and still developing.Overall it is an interesting and good start.
|2009/08/16 - 23:00|
The Patronus skin was created especially for The Petulant Poetess by TarahFae.